You are the body beautiful

Posted on July 15 2012 by Julian
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Not very long ago, someone that I follow on Google plus posted a tasteful self-nude.  The reason I mention this is that he did this with the intent of making a statement.  His intention was to take back his power from those who judged him based on his body.  What really struck me is the comments that were posted in response.  I think this was one of the first times I’ve seen so many men admit that they struggle with self-acceptance and body shame.  For women, this is, sadly, a very common experience.  I suspect, however, that it is just as common for men and especially for gay men.

Current statistics suggest that 10% of bulimics and anorexics are male.  It may actually be higher because men often under report eating disorders.  Our media culture routinely uses tools like Photoshop to create unrealistic (and often impossible) images of the “perfect body”.  For gay men, our culture emphasizes youth and (lately) being thin as the “ideal”.  When I was single, I was often amazed at how frequently I’d see ads for “Mr. Right” that listed a long list of admirable personality traits (intelligence, romance, loyalty) and then ended with “No fats or fems”.  Is it no wonder that so many gay men haven’t found Mr. Right when they’ve narrowed their focus to some superficial criteria?  Talk about judging the book by its cover.

From a spiritual perspective, I think we can all agree on the need for self-acceptance and being comfortable in our own skins.  Presenting a confident exterior boosts attractiveness and we’re more able to love and connect others when we love ourselves.  At the same time, though, it is much easier to say “love yourself” than it is to actually do it.  How can we become more comfortable with the body we have?  How do we insulate ourselves from the judgments of others and love ourselves?  There are no easy answers.

The music duo, Salt-N-Pepa, had a song called “I am the Body Beautiful” that I think gives some ideas.  (Sadly, this song only appears to be available on the Too Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar soundtrack.)  Consider these lyrics:

Everybody’s beautiful in their own special way
Carry yourself like a queen and you will attract a king
Beauty comes from within
Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, you will achieve

Beauty and confidence truly are a state of mind.  There are many spiritual traditions that teach that through our thinking we create our own reality.  I think when it comes to subjective concepts like beauty and attractiveness, this is especially true.  Those that present themselves with confidence tend to be viewed as attractive by others.

  1. Wear clothes that you enjoy.  Choose colours that lift your mood.  Clothes can add an air of mystery, they can emphasize our best features but most importantly they can affect how we feel about ourselves.  Wear things that make you feel good.
  2. Treat your body well.  I realize not everyone has the time or motivation to spend hours everyday in the gym but you don’t have to spend all your time working out to focus on keeping your body healthy.  Eat good food and get some exercise.  You can make this part of your spiritual practice by doing things like taking a walk in nature or spending a moment to attune your food’s energy to your body.
  3. Keep the right company.  You may wonder for a moment how this will help you love your own body but negative people are toxic to our own sense of self-worth.  If you spend your time with shallow people, you will find yourself focusing on the wrong things.  Be with people that love you for you.
  4. Practice affirmations.  If you spend time staring into the mirror telling yourself that you’re fat or that your face is broken out, you’re manifesting the negative traits.  In the film, What the Bleep Do We Know, the main character says, “You’re fat.  I hate you” to her image in the mirror and sees her body inflate in the mirror.  She experiences a break through and in the next scene we see her drawing hearts and spirals on her body in a bath in an act of self-acceptance and love.
  5. Speaking of baths, spend time being sensual.  Soak in a scented bath.  Get a massage.  Give yourself a facial.  Spending time showing your love to your body will reinforce it.
  6. Treat others with respect and love.  Learn to look beyond the physical shell at the beauty and divinity inside of others.  According to the Law of Return, treating others in this way will lead to others treating you in a like manner.  You’ll also find that others will be attracted to your kindness.

Beauty truly does come within.  Start there.  And like my friend on Google plus, refuse to give your power away.  No one else can tell you that you aren’t a beautiful person.  

Every man and every woman is a star – Liber Al vel Legis I:3

How do you create the body beautiful?  Please share your ideas in the comments.

 

3 Responses to You are the body beautiful

  1. Pingback: I am who I am…. | Together, We're Better

  2. Robert Alvarez says:

    Julian, I cannot begin to thank you for this truly beautiful and powerful post.

    As I commented on James Ebert’s “I am who I am….” post on “Together, We’re Better” I AM engaging in a Resonance Repatterning Session tonight to deal with some of my physical body/Self-Love issues and challenges.

    However, a few months ago, I felt as though I had reached a plateau; I continued using Affirmations, Blessings and Decrees, as well as Mirror Work and Prayers to increase my Self-Love and Self-Esteem but I did not feel it was working.

    The recommendations you gave in this post are truly beautiful, insightful and powerful. And I had forgotten that part of “What the Bleep Do You Know?” Clearly, Marlee Matlin’s character was engaged in a Self-Love Ritual Bath!

    On a lighter note, I actually had to think about Salt-N-Pepa as a duo, only because they often performed with Spinderella, but I think you are correct in that they are a duo; I guess the shamelessly proud Goddess-Worshipper always Intuits a third Goddess (human or Divine).

    Once again, my friend, thank you so much for this.

  3. Bearbill55 says:

    Hi, Julian. A very well done and moving article. Thanks. The only thing that I’d add is something that I’ve discovered over the years. A major part of overcoming body shame and reaching self-acceptance is acceptance of the appearance of others. Instead of focusing on the unattainable Colt model in the corner, look for and at the beautiful and sexy parts of the guys around you. There are the soft, voluptuous, Titanesque curves of the chub, the sexy wiry muscles of the thin guy, the sensuous and experienced lips of that older guy, or the naive innocence of the newbie. Once you start appreciating the simple sexiness of others around you, you’ll start appreciating yourself and your gifts and you’ll attract others to your confidence, sometimes even the unattainable Colt model.

    As you said definitely take back your power over your own body, but also take back your appreciation of other bodies. Don’t let anyone else’s definition of what is attractive define what you think and like. As Auntie Mame says, “the world is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.” Get out, sample and enjoy the wonders that are your own body and the many and varied bodies of others.